Burstitis

Jul. 19th, 2017 06:06 pm
sareini: (doctor)
I had plans for not going anywhere for the rest of the week, I really did. But as the saying goes, "Life is what happens when you're making other plans."

For the past couple of weeks or so I've been having a pain in my right hip. At first I thought it was down to sitting in a new chair at the computer, and did my best to change my posture to try to fix the problem. Plus, it only seemed to occur when I was getting up from the chair, so I thought little of it. But it didn't go away, and started getting worse - staying around for longer and happening when I turned over in bed or walked up or down the stairs. And the pain got worse as well.

I did some research on the internet, consulting Doctor Google, and came to the conclusion that it was most likely a case of Burstitis of the hip - annoying, certainly, but by no means life-threatening and treatable with painkillers. At some point, I told myself, I would brave the nightmare of the telephone system that my GP uses for appointments and get it looked at, but there was no rush.

...at least there was no rush until today, when I woke up to pain so bad whenever I did anything but sit that I was almost being sick or falling over, and painkillers were doing nothing. There was no way to get a doctor's appointment (I tried registering online and got told I could book one appointment online, but then it told me I couldn't book an appointment until I'd had an appointment, thus becoming a Mobius Appointment System) for at least three weeks, and I wasn't going to go to a walk-in centre or worse, A&E for something that, as painful as it was, wasn't going to kill me any time soon, so there was only one option left to me.

Hobble into town (or at least to the bus stop) and go to Boots the Pharmacist for some painkilling gel.

Thankfully the journey was more or less easy and I got myself a large tube of Deep Freeze gel, and thank Eris and all the little Discordian saints, it works! Not 100%, but enough that I can move around without so much pain that I honestly think I'm going to be sick with it. I've had plantar fasciitis, sciatica and a bladder and kidney infection that have all had me on bed rest for a week or more with the pain, and this hip pain was pretty damn close to them. Hopefully the gel will keep the pain levels down till I can see an actual doctor (fun times calling at 8am and praying to beat the rush of everyone else who needs an appointment as well).

I had plans to watch a dodgy 1980 sci-fi horror movie today and review it as well. Instead I've been watching mocked-up Emergency Broadcast videos and scaring myself half to death instead (I should explain all that in another post).

Mondays.

Jul. 17th, 2017 06:26 pm
sareini: "I'm sorry, I'm having a bad century" quote from Neil Gaiman's Sandman (Bad Century)
I'm starting to believe someone recently put a curse on me.

Lily had a vet appointment today. To catch up; Lily has been receiving treatment for a condition known as cholangiohepatitis since the beginning of the year. It's an inflammation of the liver and bile ducts, and unfortunately in Lily's case it is chronic, which means it periodically flares up and can't be really cured, just managed. She's on a mix of antibiotics and steroids for this, and it's improved her condition tremendously - in January she was vomiting daily, severely jaundiced and had lost about 2kg in weight. Now she has periodic bouts of vomiting, but the jaundice is being kept to a minimum and she's put her lost weight back on and more, to the point where I'm having to put her on a diet. We're coping the best we can.

I was just starting to get things ready for the trip to the vets when there was a knock on the door. It turned out to be someone coming to read the gas and electric meters; something I was not expecting, plus I was in the middle of stuff and the front room is such a mess that it's not really possible to get to the gas meter right now anyway. I try to explain this to the meter reader but he just snarls at me, "You said this last time. You just don't want to have your meter read," and stalked off.

So that was asshole #1 to upset me.

So I chased Lily around the house for a bit, got her in the carrier and got the taxi to the vet. There she got checked over - jaundice levels the same as last time, no other problems - but then the vet (who was a locum I'd not seen at the place before) started talking about pancreatic cancer.

If Lily had pancreatic cancer I'm pretty sure we'd have noticed it by now, since she's been seen monthly and at one point fortnightly since January and ultrasounds have shown that the mass around her bile ducts in January reduced in size considerably after a month on the meds (we just can't take her off them because she starts being sick again). But thanks for worrying me unnecessarily there. Then, as I'm closing the carrier up and getting ready to leave, I mention that my goal is really just to get her to 19, as my readings had shown me a 5-year survival rate for cats with this condition, and while I know she's not going to live forever, if I can keep her strong for as long as possible I'll have done my job as cat owner. The vet responds, "Oh, I don't think that will happen."

...I guess I should just not bother then, should I?

Asshole #2 needs to work on his bedside manner.

Add to that the Spanish Plume that's headed our way this week (temperatures up to 28 degrees, then thunderstorms and heavy rain!) and the deaths of George A Romero and Martin Landau, and I'm feeling pretty beaten down today. I think I'm going to spend the evening eating ice cream and crafting. Maybe watching stuff to put my mind on autopilot. Tomorrow will be better.

Needles

Jul. 15th, 2017 04:42 pm
sareini: "Yes, bugger all that. Let's curse somebody." - Discworld (Curse)
Well, today has certainly been an interesting day.

The Tour-de-Sock started today, and so I excitedly went to see what the first pattern would be. Looks great... except it's a toe-up pattern and I've never done that before. But that's one of the reasons I signed up for this; so that I could learn some new techniques. So, toe-up cast-ons.

Except after 20 minutes of trying, I realised I was not going to be able to do the cast-on with the double-pointed needles I had. And unfortunately, my one pair of circular sock needles was brutally murdered by Callie a few months ago (also the last time I buy bamboo needles). So I figured that my only remaining option was to go to the knitting shop in the next town over and buy some metal circular sock needles. And to save money and challenge myself a bit, I was going to go by bus.

It should have been easy enough. Use the local bus service's journey planner, get on buses, everything's fine. But between the first and second leg of the journey, I forgot what bus to get, and so re-input the details on my phone. Except it turns out that if you type in "59 High Street, Newcastle-under-Lyme" it takes you to a different place than if you type in "59 High Street, Wolstanton, Newcastly-under-Lyme", which is where I actually wanted to go. So that was an interesting - albeit slightly terrifying - detour.

I finally get to the store, and I decide that after all the trials of getting there, I deserve a reward, and so I bought some yarn as well. I made sure at least to get sock yarn so it'll at least get used up.

Getting back was a little bit easier, since I had a better idea of what I was doing by then... but I missed my final connecting bus by one minute (more like 20 seconds, in fact, as I watched him pull out of the stop as I came within range). That left me with a 30-minute wait for the next bus, so I decided to go buy a drink.

I'm just walking out of the bus station when a middle-aged man holding his phone walks up to me and stops me. He looks a little lost so I'm prepared to give badly-described directions to him.

"Hello," he says. "I'm new here... and I was wondering where... I could fuck you."

Stoke-on-Trent, ladies and gentlemen! Shortlisted for City of Culture 2021!

I just stared for a second while my brain assured me that yes, that's exactly what I just heard, before I managed to respond, "You don't. Go away." and I started to walk in a radically different direction from him. He then called after me, "Is that a no then?"

Yes. Yes it is a definite no, you creepy stranger accosting people outside of bus stations. I was worried he was going to start following me but the homeless woman who begs for spare change nearby started yelling at him for being a creeper as well, so I was saved. Next time I see her I'm going to give her money for a coffee.

Now I'm home, where the cats have greeted me with great joy because it means they get lunch, and I'm making plans to not leave the house again except for essentials for at least a week (Ross's birthday and Lily's vet visit aside). Next time someone asks why I get so anxious about going out I'm going to point them to this tale.
sareini: "Little one, I would like to see anyone - prophet, king or god - persuade 1000 cats to do anything at the same time." (1000 cats)
Last night, Callie had a Mad Half-Hour (which turned into a Mad Two Hours - Lily climbed into her cardboard box, pulled the lid over herself and stayed there for the duration) and during her extended Zoomies she decided that the Suicide Squad poster in the front room had to go.

To be fair, it's partially my fault. I put the cat tree right next to it, within easy reach of over-excited kittens.

She shredded Slipknot and took half of the Joker's face off (ironic, really), before grabbing the piece of poster that she'd removed, squeaking excitedly, and running out of the room with it. I found her later crouched over it like a fresh kill, utterly pleased with herself. I suppose when you're a 100% indoor kitty you have to hunt what you can.

But the event did remind me that I've wanted to put more posters and pictures up in the house for some time - I've just been delayed by forgetting repeatedly and by the cost of a lot of posters. When I finally finish things like the Horror Movie Maniacs cross stitch and do other stuff for myself I'll be putting them up, of course, but that could take some time with the way I work on things and the randomness of my depressive apathy attacks. So that leaves posters in the interim, but they're (a) difficult to find the ones I'd like; and (b) usually very expensive.

I got lucky today though, and found an internet place with a "Today only!" 40% sale going on, and so bought myself a couple of posters. If I had infinite money, I'd have gotten this or this, but the cost to get a decent-sized one, even unframed, was too much for me right now. So I got a couple of more qaffordable posters, and when they arrive I shall stick them to the wall with BluTac or whatever else I can find, and hopefully they'll be in places where certain cats can't reach them.

(Callie appears to have decided just now that tonight Captain Boomerang must fall, while she finishes off the Joker. Maybe I should get her a Catwoman poster.)
sareini: "Things need not have happened to be true." - Dream of the Endless (Dreams)
11. A song that you never get tired of



Don't know why exactly, but I really could cheerfully listen to this song on repeat for quite some time before feeling a psychotic break coming on. Then again, I've always liked the Eurythmics in general.
sareini: (tired)
9. A song that makes you happy
Not much explanation here )

10. A song that makes you sad
A little more explanation here )

The past couple of days have been annoying because I've been suffering from thunderstorm headaches a lot. My thunderstorm headaches often are like mini-migraines; focusing on the area above and behind my right eye so I get vision problems along with the pain. My usual treatment for them is to go lie down and take a nap till they hopefully go away rather than take painkillers, but things aren't helped when the promised thunderstorms never actually arrive and the pressure stays low and the weather stays humid, and my head stays painful.

But I managed to drag myself out of the house this evening and went to Tesco's to do some food shopping. I even treated myself with some coconut chunks (which I'll have to keep from Lily as she likes the taste of coconut) and a few other things. I also got a Robinsons "Refresh'D" Raspberry and Apple drink but I was not impressed. I don't know if it's just me, but every time I've tried something of Robinsons it's just tasted like flavoured liquid plastic to me, which is kind of ironic really.
sareini: "Made a note in my diary on the way here. Simply says, 'Bugger'." from Blackadder (Bugger)
At the weekend I went out and bought a frame for Ross's birthday present, as it was very nearly done and I'm doing my best to be organised here. When I got it home, however, and placed the nearly finished Aida over the frame, I found that the picture was ever-so-slightly too big for the frame. How can this be? I measured it and everything! I was frustrated and resigned myself to having to go back into town this week to exchange the frame for a slightly bigger one and do some re-framing magic to try to hide the fact that the new frame would be too big on the y axis.

Then I looked at the cross stitch a little more closely. One had, I realised, was a tiny bit larger than the others. The danger of doing stuff like cross stitch while you're also watching a werewolf movie series for reviewing purposes and being dyscalculaic means that you run the risk of miscounting the number of stitches in a row sometimes without noticing. Which is what I'd done. The picture was too wide for the frame by two squares - exactly the number of extra squares I had accidentally added.

Thankfully, this has happened on the figure I was working on most recently and hadn't yet finished, because if it had been on any of the other figures I'd have probably given up and cried a fair bit. So I put it to one side for a couple of days and today I'm going to set about the task of unpicking till the point where I made the mistake and then redoing it properly.

The Howling franchise: messing up my cross stitch as well as being a dodgy series.
sareini: ('everything is true')
8. A song about drugs or alcohol

This song literally popped into my head the moment I read today's prompt. I've never taken any recreational drugs (with my mental illnesses I figured it was just inviting trouble), but this song seems to pretty much fill me on anything I might have missed.


sareini: (loki)
My brother came down to visit and we went to see Spiderman: Homecoming.

Non-spoiler thoughts: Very good film. Funny in all the right places, with a good-action-to-real life ratio. Michael Keaton is really good as the Vulture - far better, I think, than some of the previous over-the-top villains we've had in previous Spider-Man films.

Spider-Spoilers! )


Last night I also watched up to the end of episode 4 of season One of Preacher, which I'd been meaning to do for some time but I'm easily distracted. I decided to make a go of catching up on everything because I'd been talking with my brother about it on the phone last night, and how much it was different to the graphic novels. Well, I'd already known some of the differences, but I hadn't known how far they went...

Spoilers for the first four episodes of season One of Preacher )


So yeah. I'm going to keep watching Preacher, despite my complaints, because apparently Season Two starts following the books more, and what I've seen so far of the Saint of Killers, Fiore and Leblanc, and Herr Starr (all 30 seconds of him) give me hope that there's still good stuff in there waiting to come out. But I just do not get the reasons for such massive changes to backstories, especially when the changes actually feel weaker, plotwise.
sareini: Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental (Reality)
7. A song to drive to

Another difficult one, as I don't drive and most likely never will (the anxiety would be way too much to cope with and I'd be a danger on the roads with it). But years and years ago I was at least attempting to learn to drive, and I had *ideas* of what I would do when I was rich and could buy anything I wanted. One thing in particular that I wanted was a Porsche Boxster, and I used to imagine myself driving around to this song. So I guess this is the closest answer I can give :)




sareini: "Yes, bugger all that. Let's curse somebody." - Discworld (Curse)
6. A song that makes you want to dance

This one's actually a difficult one, because the majority of songs I listen to make me want to dance in one way or another. I took dancing lessons (ballet, tap, modern and ballroom) as a child and while I was ill-proportioned and possessed of two left feet a lot of the time, I still enjoyed it. I'd put on mix tapes or compilation tapes and just "dance" around the room for hours (to be fair, a lot of it was running, bouncing or just throwing myself enthusiastically about, but I think I get points for effort). Even now I still get the urge to just bounce around the room when listening to music.

So in the end I went for this song, because it feels pretty much like an essence of feeling like you want to dance and just getting up and doing so.


sareini: "I'm sorry, I'm having a bad century" quote from Neil Gaiman's Sandman (Bad Century)
With The Howling: Reborn I have finished the July Howling Franchise Marathon and can now go back to slacking off and watching films I actually want to watch (until November when Shark Week 2 comes around). To be fair, Reborn was a marked improvement over some of the previous sequels (admittedly that wasn't exactly hard) and it got me thinking about a werewolf apocalypse. World War Werewolves, if you will. Hmmm...

In other news, the text telling me my prescription was ready came through, so I took myself into town for that and my monthly crochet magazine. The whole trip wouldn't have been too bad despite the heat and the Saturday shopping crowds, but the pharmacist decided to spring one of those Medicine Checks" on me, which involves being locked in a small room with the pharmacist while she goes through all your meds and asks if you're okay on them and are they working, etc. I already had one of these two months ago so I wasn't too happy to begin with, but I did my best to put on my best smile and went along with it.

...until she asked me if I was "happy" now I was on the antidepressants. Now I've been on these drugs for well over a decade at this point; tried weaning off them with the doctor's permission several times, but each time I'd get to below 150mg and everything would go to hell. And since Nick died it's been more of a case of them just keeping me going from day-to-day, never mind making me "happy". I consider it a good day if I get myself out of bed sometimes. So I tell her that, and she immediately feels the need to inform me of all the extra ways I can work to "fix" my depression.

I know she meant well. I really do. But in the 18 years I've been diagnosed with depression, I've heard of, read up on and tried many things as well as the medication to try to help my condition. And I've come up with several things that I know help, through trial and error, and I do them whenever possible. I don't go out very often because the outside world scares me and makes me anxious enough to be physically sick sometimes, so going on a half-hour walk every day probably isn't going to help, and it's probably not the first time I've had this suggested to me either. The pharmacist then went on to tell me that she feels anxious too, as she's originally from Spain and she has to come to work every day in a strange country, so it's okay! Don't feel so anxious! And all I can think is, "Oh great. Now I feel bad that I have uncontrollable anxiety and panic attacks because this woman's come to a whole other country with a whole other language to work and she worries about what other people think of her."

I told her she was really nice, caring about me like that and wanting to help me, and I'd definitely try to do what she suggested. Then I slunk away feeling like pond scum. But I really wish people wouldn't tell the mentally ill to exercise to"cure" them. We don't tell people with physical illnesses to "walk it off" (well, we do for some of them, but that's not the point here).

On the other hand, while walking to the bus stop to get into town I met this handsome fellow, who was sunning himself on the pavement when I saw him. He came running up to me meowing happily and gave me a good sniff, but then decided he didn't want a fuss and so just sat watching me and meowing. Maybe it was because I smelled of GIRLCAT. He was perfectly happy to have his picture taken though.


Headache

Jul. 7th, 2017 05:01 pm
sareini: (hiding)
I think Howling VII: New Moon Rising broke my brain. That's about the only reason I can come up with as to why I developed a headache after watching and reviewing it.

Well, it could also be a thunderstorm headache, but that doesn't bring across quite how bad Howling VII is, so let me hyperbolise for a bit.

30 Days of Music Meme - Day 4! )
sareini: Bub from Day of the Dead (bub!)
It's been a quiet couple of days, which I have spent primarily watching Howling V: The Rebirth (in which the Kool-Aid Man may be a werewolf) and Howling VI: The Freaks (werewolf vs vampire, tonight, in Hell in a Cell!); I've also been continuing work on Ross's birthday present and playing EVE Online.. Actually, I quite enjoyed Howling VI; it's a fun b-movie romp.

I need to stop trying to multitask when I'm off exploring in EVE though. I've lost two ships this week through overconfidence and switching between so many chat channels that I forget to scan for hostiles near me. Granted, it's more the annoyance factor than anything else - I already have a spare Stratios ready to be fitted to get back out there - but I do also feel like an absolute dimwit when I get caught just because I've been dumb enough to not hit dscan every 20 seconds and be ready to cloak up.


30 Days of Music meme - Day 3: A song that reminds you of summer )

30 Days of Music meme - Day 5: A song that needs to be played LOUD )
sareini: Image of the Bursar from the Discworld universe (Bursar)
2. A song you like with a number in the title

Read more... )

Ehhhhh...

Jul. 4th, 2017 08:12 pm
sareini: "I'm sorry, I'm having a bad century" quote from Neil Gaiman's Sandman (Bad Century)
Howling IV: The Original Nightmare - I have seen a lot of bad horror movies over the years, but this has to be in the bottom 10.

One of the reasons my depression is so strong right now, I think, is because I'm once again waiting for my social worker to contact me. The original plan was that she was on holiday for a week at the beginning on June, and then she'd call me when she got back. After I didn't get that call I rang the mental health centre asking about her... and found that she's on sick leave again. I've now called once a week for three weeks and she's still on sick leave (and was on sick leave for a couple of weeks before her holiday as well) so I'm now quite concerned about her. Is she in an iron lung? To have to take this much sick leave in such a short amount of time suggests something quite serious... but while I worry about her health, I'm also left with no-one to contact when things are bad for me.

There's an out-of-hours line that I've used a couple of times in emergencies, but there's only so much that can be done on that line, and at some point the conversation always rolls around to, "Well, you can sort things out when your social worker calls..." I've been waiting for referrals for several things since March or April now that my social worker was supposed to do, and which apparently no-one else can do in the meantime. One of these referrals is over whether or not my medication doses need to be adjusted because the anti-anxiety meds don't seem to be doing their work at the current dosage any more. Another is a check-up on my general mental condition, to make sure I'm not in need of any extra help. These and others are just left hanging in limbo right now, and it's all building to a point where my mind starts to tell me that they're just lying to me and don't want to help me any more; that if they really wanted to help me someone would have come out or phoned or written a letter by now explaining the situation.

I ended up spending the afternoon in bed today to avoid doing anything rash that would only make myself feel worse afterwards, and while the immediate urge has passed I'm still feeling pretty much abandoned and ignored by the service that's supposed to be helping me. Bleh.
sareini: "Things need not have happened to be true." - Dream of the Endless (Dreams)
Howling II, wherein Sir Christopher Lee looks like he's coming up with ways to kill his co-stars and make it look like an accident.

Howling III. Were-marsupials. Dressed as nuns. There's an image that may never leave you.

My mood has been up and down the past couple of days, with an unfortunate emphasis on the "down". I'm trying to combat that by keeping my mind as busy as possible so I can try to keep my thoughts away from the things that make me worse, make me panic and worry for no reason at all. So on the plus side, Ross's cross stitch present is getting a lot of work done on it right now.

I also figured I'd try one of those 30-day music memes, not least because I'm curious as to what my all-over-the-place musical tastes will do to the answers. so without further ado...

1. A song you like with a colour in the title )

30 Days...

Jul. 1st, 2017 06:23 pm
sareini: "Made a note in my diary on the way here. Simply says, 'Bugger'." from Blackadder (Bugger)
So it turns out that I don't know that old children's rhyme nearly as well as I should. Woke up this morning all ready for a relaxing, low-effort day, turned on the computer, went on the internet... Hey, why is everyone talking about it being July? It's June 31-Oh. Right. 30 days have September, April, June and November. Better get on with stuff then.

Still, I think a turnaround time of 3 hours isn't bad at all for watching, writing and publishing a movie review, especially when one cat is trying to catch a moth around the desk and the other wants to sprawl across your desk and headbutt the monitor with happiness. So The Howling is in the bag and the marathon is started. Seeing Robert Picardo with hair was strange though. I mean, I've seen him in other stuff like The 'Burbs where he has hair, but the image of him in my head now is always going to be the Star Trek: Voyager Doctor.

In other news, RIP Barry Norman. I think he was the very first film critic I ever watched or read, before I was even old enough to properly entertain the notion of being a film reviewer/critic myself, but even then I remember being quite fascinated and enthralled by him and the Film '[year] show (when I was allowed to watch it, because it was on at about 10:30 at night). He knew his stuff.
sareini: The truth shall make thee fret - Discworld (The Truth)
1) What's the weather like where you are today?

2) How does this type of weather make you feel?

3) What's your favourite time of year (thinking about the weather)?

4) Is there any weather that just makes you want to hide away indoors?

5) If you were moving somewhere purely for the climate, where would it be - what's your perfect year-round weather scenario?


1 - It's... grey. Lots of cloud, but it's white/pale grey so not really overcast. AccuWeather tells me it's 16 degrees C, with no rain. So basically your regular English summer day :P

2 - Comfortable, really. I do not do well in hot weather, being of larger frame and pale skin, but of course it's no fun when it's freezing and pouring down with rain either. This is nicely in my weather comfort zone.

3 - Autumn. It's getting cold but not too cold, and it's often windy. I like wind (not stuff like hurricanes or tornadoes, of course, although I did get to walk to school in the Great British Hurricane of 1987, because my mother believed every word Michael Fish said).

4 - Extreme heat. Like I said, I don't do well in the heat, so when it gets too hot (and I'm talking about when it gets to 25 degrees C and above, because I'm British and we're just not used to temperatures like that) I tend to try to go into a reverse-hibernation.

5 - South-East Ireland. Yes, half my family comes from there and I spent a good portion of my childhood there so I might be biased, but the weather there is much the same as it is here, with the exception that when it's warm it's more comfortable because it's on the coast. Other than that, just anywhere where there aren't any extremes of weather. I'm pretty easy-going on this subject otherwise.

(From here.)
sareini: A Procrastinator's work is never done! (Procrastination)
I figured I needed to make a list and plan out which of the many, many projects I'm currently working on need to be done first and in what order.

Knitting/Crochet/Cross Stitch:

- Ross's birthday is on July 12, so of course his cross stitch project is the most urgent to be finished, although that won't be too difficult.
- Next up is my niece's cardigan and my brother's cross stitch birthday present, which will both need to be done by mid-August when (theoretically) I'll next be visiting.
- Everything else (Horror Movie Villain cross stitch, cardigans and scarves and other things for me) is for me and can therefore be worked on whenever.

Movie Reviews:

- July is time for my twice-yearly Franchise Marathon, and this time around I've picked the Howling franchise to work my way through, because I've been neglecting werewolves for a good while now (mainly because very few werewolf films have ever truly grabbed me). So starting July 1 I've got the eight movies in the series to go through, which also means sourcing them (and two of them have already proven to be remarkably difficult to find, even with all the resources I have at hand), watching them ahead of time and writing the reviews. As long as I can keep at least a day ahead of the current film, I'll be fine.
- I've also got a couple of other movies heavily noted and ready to be written up, but they won't be needed till after the 8th, so no rush there.
- I really need to watch some more movies from my Huge Pile O' DVDs/Blu-Rays before they become sentient and start eating the house.

Writing:

- I need to write more stuff. That's all. Worldbuilding, character stuff, fanfic, whatever.
- I might want to stop grabbing bingo prompt cards... but nah.

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