May. 16th, 2017

sareini: default (Default)
I just got a call from my brother. It's never good when he calls in the daytime so I braced myself. Didn't help.

Sammy, my niece's cat who I just saw at the weekend, got run over by a car this morning. To make things even more perfectly timed, it was her birthday yesterday.

To say we are all upset is an understatement. I'm sitting here crying my eyes out and fighting an onset of magical thinking that this was somehow my fault. When I was 10 I went on a Girl Guide weekend camp. When I came back my father had been taken into hospital and he was dead from cancer a week later. Ever since then I've been terrified of going away anywhere in case it happens again. And each time I think I've gotten over it, something happens to start it up again. And I can't tell them that, especially right now, because things are bad enough without my insanity leaking into everything.

And I feel so bad for my niece. She loved that cat; she'd had him from a tiny kitten and he was a brilliant cat, and the worst thing is that, if she wanted to get another one a few months down the line, she probably won't be able to because of the Rottweiler.

Today is a failure of a day.

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